Practicing Assertiveness

Assertiveness is vital for setting boundaries and maintaining healthy, happy relationships. It's about being confident and respecting yourself and others enough to speak up in a clear and forthright way when the situation warrants. Being assertive means you can put your ideas out there but can also take feedback and adjust for those around you without giving up your boundaries.

Being assertive includes:

• Having dignity and self-respect

• Saying "no" when justified without feeling guilty

• Expressing your feelings

• Asking for what you want directly

• Being able to change your mind

• Negotiating and reaching compromises when conflict exists

Here are a few ways to practice assertiveness. 

• Be clear with your response. Providing an ambiguous answer might feel easier than outright rejection, but this ultimately leads to confusion. Instead of saying "maybe" or "I don't think so," be assertive with your answer. Make sure whoever is asking you the question understands you mean no.

• Explain why. It's OK to say "no" without a reason but giving an explanation can help soften the blow. Keep it short and simple while letting the other person know you understand the request's importance.

• Cushion the response with kindness. To decrease discomfort with saying no, give the recipient a compliment or a few kind words. You can even acknowledge that declining their request is difficult, but unfortunately, you must do so.

• Offer an alternative. Just because you can’t fulfill their request doesn’t mean you can’t help in other ways. Are you able to fulfill the request at another time? Do you know someone else who might be able to help? If you can share other resources and options with the recipient, you can find a way to be helpful while maintaining your boundaries.